The biggest thing that ever holds me back is the feeling that I am where I’m supposed to be.

My employers were always happy with where I was. They wanted me to be happy doing what I was doing.

My friends think I am where I should be. They want me to be happy doing it.

My family wants me to be happy with what I am doing. But they will support me regardless.

Most times, the only person who is unhappy with what I am doing is me. And it feels so totally selfish each and every time I throw out everything I am doing to do something different. Maybe I don’t like being where I am supposed to be.

Sometimes the change works and I get into a new groove. Then, I am where I am supposed to be. Until I get unhappy again . . .

I realised ages ago that I’m susceptible to following fads. If something new comes along that looks interesting, I’ll give it a go.  Why I haven’t joined a cult yet, I have no idea.

A few years ago, I was gung-ho on vegetarianism.  That lasted a few weeks.

I started going to the gym regularly.  That lasted a few months.

I still meditate, but not as regularly as I did at the beginning.

When I read about node.js, I became a huge fan and learned all I could about it.  But, that waned too.  The bills are paid by Microsoft work.

My family are aware of my tendency for jump on bandwagons.  So, when I say something like “I’m going on a low-carb diet” (my decision last night) because of something I’ve read, everyone rolls their eyes and puts up with me. 

If you want to really annoy or embarrass me, just mention one of the things I haven’t followed through on.

For all my starts though, I’ve had some success.  I’ve run marathons, started contracts in new technologies, and I still wake earlier than most people for self-development time.  If something works, it works.  If it doesn’t, I stop. 

So, I’m silly in this way.  I start new fads all the time.  If I can keep from telling others about it, I will.  But when I can’t get around my strange behaviour anymore (“I can’t eat that because I’m vegetarian now”), I’ll fess up. 

I haven’t tried everything I’ve thought about. Like, for the longest time, I’ve wanted to try polyphasic sleeping, but it would disrupt family life too much.  One day . . .

But, what is the alternative?  What would I gain by being steadfast and set in my habits?  Where would I be if I never experimented?  When I adopt a language like “I’m going to try to . . . “ instead of “I’m going to . . . “, I have less likelihood of success, so there’s no sense in starting with a flimsy word like “try”.

So, when you hear me tell you I’m going to start a new habit, or become a new person, or whatever.  Go ahead and roll your eyes.  I understand.  It may work out for me, or it may not.  That’s for future me to decide.  Present me just has to decide to try it.