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How to Kill Someone’s Dreams

April 15, 2017 by wroolie Leave a Comment

The easiest way to kill someone’s dreams is to question them as if they should have an answer. Ask a lot of questions about hypothetical situations and watch the doubt fill their face. “What will you do if you get sick and can’t pay the bills?” “What is your plan b if it does not work?” “Are you absolutely certain you want to be doing this?”

Sometimes, finally getting yourself to do what you’ve always known deep down you should be doing is hard. Sometimes it feels like everyone is against you. You are trying to coax that higher version of yourself to take centre stage. And there are so many who are asking questions and shining a light on the doubt you have.

But, the truth is no one is certain of anything. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had people question me about what I would do when I left a job. And, it really scared me. But, sometimes, those people end up losing their “secure” job anyway. No one really knows.

I think I experienced this most when I left the Army. I was so unsure of whether I was doing the right thing that I continued going strong until the last day. I elected to attend PLDC (Primary Leadership Development Course) and the promotions board to get my E5 sargeant stripes even when others I entered with were just waiting to leave. I still wasn’t sure.

I had all my friends and colleagues wanting me to give them my life plan. “What are you going to do for work?” “Are you going to college?” “If you go to college, what will you do afterwards?” And the most I said “I don’t know” the more I doubted whether I was doing the right thing.

And the Army recruiter was just as bad. I still get angry when I think about it sometimes. They just had to put doubt into my head. They just had to hint that maybe I was not doing the right thing and my fear took over. I very nearly stayed in.

On one of the many times I left a full-time contract to pursue Overpass full-time, I got the same treatment. It wasn’t so much that people doubted I could do it (but many did) as much as it was their constant questions about whether I had “thought everything through.”

But sometimes, you don’t need an entire plan. You don’t need to know how to get from A to Z. You just need to focus on A to B first.

And then you leap.

And it’s scary.

And if you can get used to uncertainty, the world is yours.

Filed Under: Army Days, My Life

The Turn on my morning Run

November 30, 2015 by wroolie Leave a Comment

My routine morning run can be 3.5 miles or 6 miles. I usually decide based on time before hand whether I can squeeze in the extra 20 minutes required for the full run. Sometimes, though, my 6-mile run becomes my 3.5-mile run halfway through.

My run is a big loop around town. The longer run is technically around two towns (but they’re small towns). The shorter run has a turn which, if I take it, will cut the run in half.

Many times, I start out for a six-mile and decide to cut it short because I don’t feel like running the longer run.

But the point of that decision … is a single turn. It’s at this one stupid intersection where I can turn and cut the run short.

I know that if I make it past that turn, I’ve committed to the full run.

So, I’ve noticed over the years that if my goal is to do the long run … I need to psyche myself up for that turn.

If I think about the longer run and how tired I will be … I won’t do it. On a cold wet morning at 6am, I just want to get back home and get warm and dry.

But … if I think about just running straight through that turn, it’s much easier. So that’s my goal in the mornings— to go straight at that turn. That’s an easier decision. Once I go straight, I’m committed to finishing the run.

I read this advice in a Twyla Thwarp book many years ago called “The Creative Habit”. She said that her goal in the morning was to get dressed in workout clothes and get in the cab for the gym. If she focused on the entire task of working out, it would demotivate her. So, the simple task of getting in a cab is what keeps her doing it.

I started doing the same after reading that book. I know that if I put on my running shorts in the morning, I won’t take them off afterwards without running at least a little.

Motivation, I’ve found, is making your decisions small enough to be manageable. Instead of “I’m going to run every day for the rest of my life”, it’s easier to say “I’m going to run today.”

Filed Under: Running

Black Friday without Thanksgiving

November 27, 2015 by wroolie Leave a Comment

Ever since I moved to the UK nearly 18 years ago, each year I say “this year, I’m going to make a Thanksgiving dinner”.  And I haven’t done yet.  It’s not that I don’t want to keep some cultural traditions in the family . . . it’s just that it’s not easy when everyone has school and work.  It’s just a normal day here.

However, yesterday, I made a roast chicken dinner.  I know it’s not turkey, but it was huge.  The kids, as they do, came in for the meal and left before dishes  . . . but they enjoyed it.

One interesting thing here in England is that I hear all about Black Friday.  There are Black Friday sales everywhere today.  But . . . not Thanksgiving.  Black Friday, of course, is the federal holiday (part of the long Thanksgiving weekend) where everyone goes out shopping.

We have Black Friday . . . but not Thanksgiving.  We observe the shadow and not the object.

It always amazes me.

Filed Under: Living in the UK

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